rant-a-thon!!!

kinda not really. well here it goes:

• screwed for the great aloha run cuz i still cant run two miles and its in 3 weeks.

• the girl i work with on saturday nights (the busiest night) is useless. gg.

• i am retarded when it comes to math cuz i cant count money and im gonna fail econ and my business calc or whatever the hell it is

• procrastination sucks and it doesnt help i dont remember how to do alg stuff...frick.

• i still owe money for my ticket

• fafsa still havent been filled out yet...more like i need to get my taxes done.
  

• hawaiian airlines doesnt wanna refund my ticket so i need a vacation before sept. 20th $$$$$$
  

• still in desperate need for a tan...like seriously.

• after much thinking, why the hell am i going to chris brown's concert?!?!

• i still owe jennifer's bday card or something

im sure there's more but yeah...thats a pretty hefty list.

WAIT A MINUTE! im not a pessimist. there is ALWAYS a happy side to everything in my life. I GOT ACCEPTED TO UH AND THE TIM SCHOOL! well, it was kinda a given i would get into UH the very least but yeah. if i didnt, thats another story and my rantathon will never end. i cant wait til fall and hopefully it will be easier than kcc hahaha!

visited rhs the other day and things have changed big time. kaneshiro told me to go back to unlv -_- and im considering to change my major but idk. so confused.

black and white

as i get older, i realize my world is not so black and white as it used to be. there are so many shades of gray that i cant even tell what is real or not. i sit here reminiscing of the luxury i had way back when and how i lucky i was to have what i had. i wanted more which in the end caused me to lose everything. this certain person was a great compliment to my life and i often wonder if i could find another to match or exceed what he has given me. so far my luck hasnt been so good. back when the times i used to be the changest thing in the fricken world. now the material way of life has caught up to me. lose money, seriously. there are so many more choices and standards that i have seem to lost clarity of it all...never knowing if its really right or wrong.

this kinda pertained to what i learned in engrish today. i read the play Kamau and it deals with change and stuff. the song that was mentioned in it, "Me Ke Aloha" really matched the story well. "Change is a strange thing, it cannot be denied. It can help you find yourself or make you lose your pride." maybe kcc isnt so useless after all :P

today ive just been swarmed with emotions. idk if its the pms or what but i had to let everything out. sometimes i wish i could turn back time even back to when i was in vegas. i miss the way we used to talk...but oh wells.

on happier note cuz theres always a bright side! i thought i got rejected from UH. back in high school they said big envelope means good, little one is baaaaaad! so ive been waiting for any notice from UH and today in the mail i got a tiny one!! WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! well it was just to tell me they got my stuff and gonna send it to the TIM school for their response. eeek i better fricken get in!!

my fish kicked my snail across the bowl. i thought it was the funniest thing ever. i talk a lot about my fish and snail that i think i might have an unhealthy addiction to them :/

slackin'

"he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only one who's got enough to break my heart..."
i love the song "teardrops on my guitar" by taylor swift. its like the ultimate for anyone who have a crush on someone. i could listen to it over and over again...love it!!!

school can die. i have daily hw for almost all my classes which SUCKS cuz i havent had that since hs. gg kcc. i cant imagine how UH is gonna be like...its sad how much math i forgot. i gave up doing my hw so i got my eyebrows done :P

i need to eat healthier. ive been eating phuket thai food way too much that im sick of thai food. i also realize that i dont take other people's advice very well. what they say may be true and better for my well being but i suck when it comes to following them. sorry guys. chinese new years is around the corner and it should be good considering last years one sucked since it was in vegas -_-

oh, and my bracelet broke again for the third time in a little over a year. how gay cuz i just got it fixed last wednesday D:

yep, thats pretty much all that has happened as of late. nothing too exciting lol

reality check

idk what to say really. please dont feel sorry for me because i am over the pity. i lived and i learned and unfortunately the end result is that i am less trusting. i was a believer and i held on to every strand of possibility even though i KNOW i wont get my way. bring back on the mind games because it is my only defense for my heart. im happy to have the strength to avoid temptation but it was heartbreaking nonetheless. its ok because life definitely goes on. i dont regret anything and i am not angry anymore. im immune to the pain. it really seems like the story of my life, like its a major theme. its going to be fine since it might turn me back to the person i used to be; strong, independent, and motivated. until then, i will smile because it boosts my endorphin levels even though it may be a total front.

well, after a whole sleepless night, i find myself STILL confused as to what i want. maybe ill join the gym earlier than expected to fill my void. gosh i hate this state of mind and stage of my life!! maybe im not a risk taker. possibly i am weaksauce. idk if this is a risk i am willing to take because it hits so close to what i went through...

the end.

high school musical without the music

well, after two days of KCC, it SUCKS!! well, its probably because i have ridiculously long breaks haha. Practically each day i have a two hour break. im considering getting an on campus job but we'll see. kcc reminds me so much of high school. too many asian ppl for a college since ive been so used to being with white ppl up at unlv. it certainly is different. teachers are kinda dull. they talk forever and all of them have kept me in the class for the full period even tho they ran outta things to say. lame. idk, maybe it'll take time for me to adjust :D

work has been good! i am out of training so whoohoo!! i got scheduled to work this friday but im off saturday and sunday...maybe i can convince my boss to let me work saturdays instead. blehhh, i hope i dont get stuck with fridays. but yeah, i love working even tho its a pain cuz of school and all. oh yeah, and i have homework already!?!?! that is CRAZY!!! these are the very reasons why i was freaking out about a cc compared to a university -_- maybe if i stop thinking the way i do now, ill see things in a better light. THINK POSITIVE!!

today, i realize i was driving around with my license cuz i took it out to go gym but forgot to take it outta my pockets. so i was driving home from work tonight and i was being extra careful so i wont get busted or else ill really be in trouble. i saw some blue flashing lights and my heart skipped a beat @_@ haha good thing it was the car in a waiting area that was getting busted and not me! cant afford another ticket or worst...

i stay broke!

i am one broke mofo. i spent a choke load of money on chris brown tickets. that show better be worth it! danny and i spent so much time figuring out the ticket situation that ticketmaster booted me off their website. im serious, i could not view that website so danny had to buy the tickets using my credit card through his computer. it was a delicate dilemma -_-

it sucks that phuket thai doesnt offer employee meals for free. i get 50% off one menu item when i work but money is money :/ i really like working. idk, i feel like i know what im doing compared to working at bubba gumps. there it was so robotic. you follow rules and managers are sticklers. at phuket thai, the manager is really chill since its new and we're short of bussers. idk, i have fun working but after awhile i hate touching dishes cuz its a bitch. i got tipped on saturday cheeeeeehee!! $28 which isnt a lot but its better than nothing since im not suppose to get any. this one guy gave me a $5 tip for a take out order even tho i had to have him repeat his order several times since i couldnt hear.

school starts tomorrow and i know im gonna get lost around diamond head. i had another tour of kcc and several routes to get there were presented to me. idk, why does kcc have to be smack dab in the middle of the suburbs?! gay.

oh, and i need like three notebooks. ANOTHER EXPENSE ON TOP OF MY STUPID TICKET! im gonna take my time paying that ticket off cuz i am so broke.

a decision i have to make is whether or not i wanna sacrifice my social life for money making. if i work fridays, i cant go dinner and stuff with friends. if i work saturday, club is outta the question. boy this sucks. idk, danny was like "welcome to my world!" hahaha. maybe ill just work saturdays cuz its busiest and club i can do without cuz its expensive after awhile. help anyone???



2.0's snail is retarded. it looks like one of those only more busted up. that thing is like suicidal or something and it floats around for fun so i think its dead -_-. idk, i feel kinda bad for it cuz i dont know what it eats and when i tried growing algae by putting the bowl in the sun, 2.0 looks depressed D: stupid snail. i wish i couldve picked my own snail but the lady just plucked any random one outta the water. stupid lady and stupid snail!

5 - 0!!!!

so yesterday i got my first ticket. i must say it was really retarded how i got it. i got ticketed for J WALKING. i was walking to my mom's place, listening to my ipod and thinking of today's events. i guess my mind was just kept to itself and not to the surroundings because i just kept walking and walking. normally, i dont j walk so its weird how i just decided to take the plunge today, fuck. so i walked on the crosswalk, the lady on the opposite side kept looking at me and mouthing something. what?! i looked back and i saw a cop. CRAP! i shouldve just turned back and said i wasnt attentive to realize it was a red light but the crosswalk was so short i might as well just finish crossing. another cop pulled over on bike and ticketed me! he kept trying to make small talk but seriously, was i really in the mood to fucken talk to you?!?! he kept asking if i watched the news because apparently, im not up to date with my current events. fucker.

lately, ive been listening to a lot of hawaiian/island/reggae stuff. i used to be so anti but being in vegas as made me appreciate it more cuz of the ppl i hung out with. well anyways, i think i listen to it now because it doesnt remind me of anyone. i hate how so many songs i like comes with a memory of someone and somethings they are pretty poignant. but not with hawaiian music. yes, i do think of some ppl but theyre happy thoughts because everytime i hear it, its during a happy event. :D

cockblock. i havent used that word in awhile. IM GONNA COCKBLOCK YOU! nah, i kinda suck at that...idk. hahaha

updated: at work, i was a busser more so than a hostess. fricken ridiculous. i cleaned and set more tables than i could count. frick. i cant wait til saturday, they said its gonna be busier. well, im gonna do cashier stuff so idk anymore haha.

watched snakes on a plane at lane's house. stupidest movie ever. i couldnt believe i was the only one that saw it outta everyone -_-

oh, and btw, my ticket is $130!!!!

what is love?

today i am suppose to find love. my horoscope said so from over a month ago. i have been looking forward to this day since it first got mentioned. this day was on my mind almost daily @_@. though i didnt quite find the love i was hoping for, i realize its all around me.

recap of my jan. 9th of love:

midnight, a couple of us went to danny's "secret spot" after our attempts of driving stick shift haha. it was really nice tho we didnt see any shooting stars. its comforting to be with good friends. i just felt loved by them and i feel i can make it through anything with them by my side.

i made my confessions of a lifetime pretty much sorta... idk, it wasnt as bad as i thought but still, it was something i wouldnt normally do and it felt alright :D i feel much better about myself. its hard to find that level of comfort and not sweat the outcome with anyone else.

i wanted jook as usual and my dad actually went out to get it for me, yep, my daddy loves me lol

went to work today. it was a lot of fun but i cant wait til im outta training and picking up tips! i really like my job so far cuz ppl are nice and its not too bad. very lax unlike at bubba gumps but im glad ive worked at bubba to get some experience. at the end of my shift and everything started to slow down, the stereo was playing love songs and i thought it was pretty nice lol. oh, and i get all the thai ice teas i want for free!!!

well, after work has been super duper eventful. my dad called me 19 times while working so i was just like wth. i came home and he unplugged the phone cords, nights off, no response when i banged and rang the door bell. i was getting concerned so i called my mom to come over and had security try his luck with the door. no response. i started getting really scared while the security guards called the locksmith. while we waited for the locksmith to come, my dad called my mom. WHAT?!?! apparently, he mistaken the time and thought it was 630 am when he woke up from his nap this evening. he thought i didnt come home so he locked everything. he said it was his bad for his mistake -_-. he had everyone worried so i guess thats love right there on my part. im glad i was able to hold my composure the whole time during this ordeal.

as my day is coming to an end, i think love is a funny thing. it comes in so many levels and it doesnt necessarily have to be the romantic stuff. i am happy to be exposed to it everyday.

on another note, after really listening to the elliott yasmin song "ill wait for you," it is the MOST patheticest song EVER. it was like my theme song of the summer but now im free from ties that bind, its soooooo...ughhh! talk about being whooped and dependent to the max. i wonder how anyone could move on if they just sit around waiting for that person that clearly dumped him. idk, its just really pathetic now to me haha. be strong elliott yasmin! be a man!!!

this is my message to you-ou-ou

this morning i had a nightmare! i dreamt that i got a text message from dickface saying he is happy with his gf and they watched the sunrise together and it was beautiful! idk it was just like, a wtf moment for me and i was wondering why he would even tell me that lol. that stupid dream kept me awake for awhile but then i heard some music from another apartment unit. it was bob marley's three little birds song! "dont worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right." it was comforting since i know everything will be ok in the end :D i went back to sleep of course.

i really like little quirks such as that during my day. it makes me feel inspired. it was pretty ironic too, that apartment needs to play more music! idk, maybe its just me but those random things make my life seem worth living haha.

the whole day i was job hunting! boy did i traveled everywhere outta desperation lol. i was so ready with my references all listed out and several copies of my resume ready to hand out! i had my list of restaurants to go to in numerical order. but as murphy's law states "whatever can go wrong will go wrong." well, nothing went too wrong but i just ended up applying to restaurants i didnt really wanna apply to first. but at the end of the day, phuket thai hired me and i just accepted. i didnt wanna wait around for the other fancier restaurants to call back and it might result me jobless in the end.

sheldon took me around kcc, sorta. mannnnnn, i am SO gonna get lost going to school and coming home. at least for the first week or so. the school reminds me of a high school. i bought my books as well today $466. ughhhhh...stupid stupid books costing so much!

oh yes, and i am also on a quest : ) idk what the purpose of it is for but hopefully i get what i want lol.

the radio lies!

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sleeping beauty

well, today i napped for 6 fricken hours! unbelievable cuz normally i cant nap that well since ppl text or call. today, i slept through a bunch of text messages haha. i think i was sleeping to forget which tends to happen when im feelin emo. my dad asked if i even ate cuz ive just been sleeping all day. bleh. thats ok cuz the sun will always shine tomorrow.

i think i wanna dl my lovely sam soon again. i loved that show.
played tennis today to relieve some stress. blah i need to get back into shape if im gonna run the great aloha run. i gotta join a gym as well but i still cant decide from 24 or the Y. and cost is a factor too in either one cuz im broke ass.

the weather has been pretty crappy at night, i really wanna just drive out to my secret spot and just sit there and think. its been awhile since ive done that but i need it...

sophisticated taste

today was my last day of my externship. there was no formal goodbyes, just "thank you for your help, kthxbye." haha oh wells. even tho i hated working, i learned a lot within the ten days i was there. one of the housekeepers kept trying to get me to change my major into nursing but ehhhhhh too much chem and bio X_X

our fancy dinner was at john dominis! boy was that place expensive!! it was good but dude...$30 for a little square of fish?!?! nah, i wouldnt say THAT little but it wasnt a lot. it was nice that we all dressed fly cuz we hit the club after! yay! not really...it was pretty dull since none of us could get bands so drinking was limited. nonetheless it was still enjoyable : )

this is a side rant to myself so yeah..
gosh, i am such a fatty. dont even try to say otherwise because i can see it in my pictures, i have more chins than a phonebook! and i even got the pictures to prove it!!! its pretty retarded but yeahh..better pictures of that night will be posted on facebook :D

jared looks like he's gonna kill me or something!

on another note, i like never learn or something! i seem to get fooled so easily and take wrong turns in life and i end up in the same situations all over again -_- im just gonna play things cool and see where it ends up. theres only so much i can do now..

dancin' in the moonlight

today was my day off from work. i wished i did more last night. mikey, lane, vincent, and i watched planet earth til we were falling asleep which didnt take much time or effort. i love planet earth but not when im damn tired from the day..

anyhoo, today i went to the beach and it was nice. i got slightly darker :D
i almost joined the army cuz my mom was pissing me off so much. she said i wouldnt be able to handle it. i told her i would do it to prove i wasnt weaksauce so i called up sheldon and just went off on him for like a minute but i would get over it soon. i think i woke up him from a nap but i was too irritated to notice or care haha.

a bunch of us went to karaoke tonight as well. it was so much fun! mitchell was there and he seriously needs a haircut, that thing is longer than my hair! and i got a tattoo :P nah its those temporary ones but its still cool nonetheless. no thanks to mitchell for splashing me with water trying to put it on tho -_-
the guys singing to mulan's reflection song...sharon had a kick outta it :P

my tattoo :D

2008 kick off

new years was fun. i think im gonna cut back on the alcohol since i cant seem to get drunk and i just get sick, not to mention all the calories that are in it, yuck!

i am still on my water diet. its hard to keep up drinking a gallon of water a day. it gets tiring cuz i always gotta pee @_@

nothing too eventful thus far into my new year. was suppose to go clubbing tonight but that didnt really happen which was fine cuz im tired. i went to work today so i didnt have to go to work tomorrow in hopes of going club. i had to untangle christmas lights, lots and LOTS of them! it was so gross since they were wet and muddy. im glad im almost done with my externship. i cant wait to just relax and sleep in, mmmmmm. : )

i wonder if im ever still on your mind...or am i just a distant blur. oh wells :P