black and white

as i get older, i realize my world is not so black and white as it used to be. there are so many shades of gray that i cant even tell what is real or not. i sit here reminiscing of the luxury i had way back when and how i lucky i was to have what i had. i wanted more which in the end caused me to lose everything. this certain person was a great compliment to my life and i often wonder if i could find another to match or exceed what he has given me. so far my luck hasnt been so good. back when the times i used to be the changest thing in the fricken world. now the material way of life has caught up to me. lose money, seriously. there are so many more choices and standards that i have seem to lost clarity of it all...never knowing if its really right or wrong.

this kinda pertained to what i learned in engrish today. i read the play Kamau and it deals with change and stuff. the song that was mentioned in it, "Me Ke Aloha" really matched the story well. "Change is a strange thing, it cannot be denied. It can help you find yourself or make you lose your pride." maybe kcc isnt so useless after all :P

today ive just been swarmed with emotions. idk if its the pms or what but i had to let everything out. sometimes i wish i could turn back time even back to when i was in vegas. i miss the way we used to talk...but oh wells.

on happier note cuz theres always a bright side! i thought i got rejected from UH. back in high school they said big envelope means good, little one is baaaaaad! so ive been waiting for any notice from UH and today in the mail i got a tiny one!! WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! well it was just to tell me they got my stuff and gonna send it to the TIM school for their response. eeek i better fricken get in!!

my fish kicked my snail across the bowl. i thought it was the funniest thing ever. i talk a lot about my fish and snail that i think i might have an unhealthy addiction to them :/