i think this post will be one of those long philosophical epiphany personal expressions whatevers.
i wish i knew exactly what i want. it seems as though i am trying so hard to be in a comfortable position that it really isnt as comfy as i hoped. it is so hard to describe because how i felt over the summer is all coming back to me. i need to get myself out of this rebound mindset/zone. well...idk we'll see after this weekend i suppose haha.
everyone says love is unexpected and thats all dandy but i believe in being proactive, damn it! frick my only main concern is that i always seem to be playing with fire. as everyone might already know, i get burn in the end. something about it is just so addictive to just pursue something that hurts soooo good! wow i really am a masochist. playing everything aloof is harder than it sounds because i think i want the security that i have that person in my grasp.
fergie's song "clumsy" seems to be my theme song at the moment. how unfortunately...well one thing that i am hoping to change is stop jugglin'. i cant even juggling in real life and to be juggling while playing baseball or basketball or whatever sounds pretty darn dangerous. i feel like i took a wrong turn in life and i cant seem to find my way back home. i really want someone to just reach out and save me from myself.
in conclusion, i am an masochistic arsonist. ironic thing is that im scared to even light a match yet alone a lighter. go figure. time will heal my wounds...(ok totally random, the song im listening to right now has the word "nigga" every other word so its totally making me lose my thoughts) anyhoo, my new goal is just to just do my own thing and pass community college!
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1 comment:
girl you need to work on yo grammar. that post was difficult to read, especially the part about juggling.
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