save me

this is a very personal blog. it involves the people i care most for...

i've never felt more alone in my life. sure, i've felt this way in vegas but at least i knew i had friends from all around who loves me and a family welcoming me back home with open arms. now its a complete 180. my dad has recently turned physically abusive on me since he has a problem with me when im home and when im not. he's been kicking me out of the house and hitting me with anything he can get his hands on. him being my dad and super old, what could i really do but defend myself?? im too scared to hit him back since it might cause real damage but my body has been battered by this crazy spree of his. im scared just to be around him when its night time because he is another person...like a werewolf or something. moving to my mom's place won't help a lot either. the apartment is small and clustered. my mom is almost never home due to her restaurant job and my sister is always with her boyfriend. basically i'll be by myself most of the time. my friends, well, i feel so distant from everyone. its nothing how i came home to now. they say "who cares about family when you got friends." it was true at one point but not so much now since i dont even know who's got my back. i hate to say this but all the stupid drama that's been happening within our group of friends has clearly split up everyone. i feel like im caught in the middle of the split with nowhere to belong.. the boy? let's just say nothing is set in stone with him. i can't believe i let my guard down for a short while to find i should've kept it up all along. he has been my saving grace since this has all started but i still refuse to let him be that impacting to my life. i am an emotional wreck right now. i was so close to letting my demons get back to me but i know its only temporary relief. how do i attract so much trouble? why does the worst seem to happen to me? maybe i'm just overexxagerating but it seems as though i always face hard times. i dont know what else more to say. im sorry for this very personal rant and if you made it to reading it, please don't feel sorry for me. just be there for me cuz i need you more than anything else.